By Lynn Bardowski

My Mom, Barbara Joy Cusack, could have written How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. Thinking I could glean a few tips on how to gain more friends, I picked up the book off our family room book shelf as I was about to enter High School. Many of the ideas resembled things my Mother had already taught me.

As I was doing research for my book, Success Secrets of a Million $ Party Girl, I found out that Dale Carnegie was really Dale Carnegey. Apparently, he changed his name so that he would be associated with another Carnegie at the time, multi millionaire Andrew Carnegie. Maybe that’s how Dale won friends and influenced people.

Three key lessons I learned from my Mom about winning friends and influencing people…and you won’t have to change your last name.

WIN PEOPLE OVER TO YOUR IDEA BY LETTING THEM THINK IT WAS THEIR IDEA:

Women are masters at this technique. Just watch any woman convincing their husband they need a new piece of furniture. Mom taught me to never suggest a new idea when Dad was busy or stressed. She waited for a moment when he was relaxed and engaged in conversation. No wonder all the big deals are made during lunch and on the Golf Course. 

She had patience and asked my Dad for suggestions like, “What do YOU think we should do?” Planting seeds and using positive language so that his idea was what she had in mind in the first place. When was the last time you listened and asked your client for their input, feedback and ideas?

WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOES:

Empathy is defined as understanding of another ‘s situation, feelings, and motives. My Mom would emphasize often, “You never know what’s going on in someone’s life, or what their situation is, until you walk a mile in their shoes” Most of us rush to judgment quickly, assuming a client is not calling us back because they don’t want our business.

Worse yet, we get frustrated that we’re putting out all the effort and getting no return so we trash talk them in our mind (or out loud), thinking “I can’t believe that &#&@! is not calling me back!” Sound familiar? Take a minute and step in your Customer’s shoes. Maybe they had a bad day, week or month and you’re the last person they want to talk to. Or, they are just swamped with life. Let them know you’ll be there when they’re ready. It’s not always about YOU.